We Know Nothing: The Season 5 'Game of Thrones' Finale Fashion Recap:
Jon Snow emotes for us all.
Welcome to the end of
season five of "Game of Thrones." Will there even be a season six? I don't see how there possibly can be because EVERYONE IS DEAD NOW. Well, dead or in impossible-to-live-through situations. (See: Sansa and Theon hopping off that very tall wall and Daenerys surrounded by a tribe of mean-looking Dothraki. Then there's poor blind Arya.) Thank goodness Melisandre and Ramsay Bolton are still alive, though!
In addition to killing, maiming or torturing everyone this episode, the showrunners decided to treat the costumes like crap, too. Everyone was a mess. Let's take a look at the fashion in this, the finale of season five, then we can all go back to silently weeping.
Sansa and Theon, Together Again
A small light shone through Winterfell during Sunday night's GoT finale, and it was Theon coming to his damn senses finally. Well, at least until he and Sansa decided to hop off that tall wall. However, I'm taking heart because Sansa has her avenging angel hood on, and she was sounding pretty confident talking to Ramsay's lover right before Theon tossed her over the wall. Sansa as queen of the Seven Kingdoms?
A Happy Couple
"He's the toughest man with no balls I've ever met." Were truer words of Grey Worm ever spoken? These two are a beautiful couple. And I'm happy Missandei is getting a bit of a wardrobe update here. I love the very Bottega-esque basketweave leather top, which went with a knife-pleated skirt. Missandei finally throws off her slave roots.
Bye, Myrcella!
Photo: Macall B. Polay/HBO
Aw, finally Ellaria came around to Myrcella. She's such a sweet girl, how could you not? Oh, wait. Ellaria kissed Myrcella with that horrible poison lipstick, and Myrcella died right after Jaime finally admitted he was her father. (I imagine that kiss felt something like
this.) But at least they both looked gorgeous in their floaty Dornish frocks, right up until the end.
And Bye, Felicia
Hey, Stannis, how did killing your daughter work out for you? Oh, it didn't? Shocker. Avenging angel Brienne came and put you out of your misery. I did like Stannis's heart sigil the best out of all of them, though.
Arya Learns a Lesson
In which Arya learns that a girl cannot just go around borrowing faces for her own revenge plots. Now she's blind. And back to wearing sack dresses.
Cersei Gets a Slut-Shaming Pixie Cut
Photo: Macall B. Polay/HBO
Cersei is no one's favorite character, but this scene was grueling. In a slut-shaming scene at its most medieval, Cersei made the long walk from the prison to the Red Keep naked with some nuns who are nothing like the ones in "The Sound of Music." (According to
Entertainment Weekly, actress Lena Headey used a body double for this scene.) I hope that eventually Cersei recovers from the ordeal and realizes how strong a
pixie cut can make you feel. No need to hide behind all those elaborate twists and braids anymore.
As Drogon recovered from his wounds, Daenerys contemplated how badly she ruined that beautiful white gown. At least the silver neck piece was still intact. And then a bunch of Dothraki showed up and started riding rodeo-style around her. What the heck is happening?
Oh, Great. The Mountain is Back
The Mountain, as you'll recall, is the one who smashed Oberyn's beautiful head into oblivion. He was dead, and now he's been brought back to life "
Pet Sematary"-style to serve Cersei, who obviously has some new revenge fantasies now. He needs some foundation, clearly.
Oh, Olly will probably get over that whole thing about his family being killed and eaten by wildlings, right? Wrong. You know nothing, Jon Snow. I have nothing to say about their outfits right now.
NOOOOOOOOO. I read the books and had been dreading this scene all season, but had hoped (haha!) that possibly the show would spare Jon Snow. It didn't. Jon Snow is now dead, at the hands of a mutiny. However, I take some solace in the fact that there are many credible theories for how Snow can come back to life in the future. Let's hope, because I'm going to miss his hair and his brooding stares a lot.
Five Seasons of Jon Snow's Hair
Here is Jon Snow with Ghost as a puppy. Puppy!
Jon Snow looks like a baby here. This is before he traded his Winterfell furs for his all-black Night's Watch ensemble.
Jon Snow teaching Bran how to shoot. Such innocence and lack of hair volume back then.
Brood, Jon Snow. You've earned it.
As Jon's leadership skills grew, so did his hair.
At least we can all take solace in the fact that Jon Snow wasn't a virgin when he died. His hair never looked better than when he was in love with Ygritte.
Snow looks so nice gently nestled in it.
*sobs*
